I Heart My Dear friend Michelle Obama
I always thought I had a spiritual connection with Mich, but now that I've actually met* Michelle Obama, I know I have it. In all seriousness, she is awesome. Here is what I learned from her speech today, which I saw live!!! in Denver:
Michelle was a really fat baby! I love fat babies. They are the cutest. [photos coming soon. But trust me. Chubby cheeks]
Michelle used to be anti inter-office action. Michelle used to have a firm no office booty policy. But Barack was determined.
The way to Michelle's heart is though her stomach/ ice cream is Michelle's aphrodisiac of choice. In a video before Michelle's speech, Barack revealed his game plan: his "big move" was inviting her for some post office-picnic ice cream.
Michelle looks amazing in every single color. The purple looked great and the green blue she wore tonight looked amazing. Try getting away with those colors, Cindy! You'll look even more corpse-like than usual.
I promised I wouldn't cry! But I did. No political speech has
ever made me cry. But this one did. I teared up a few times, but the
mascara didn't run until Michelle said:
He's the same man who drove me and our new baby daughter home from the hospital 10 years ago this summer, inching along at a snail's pace, peering anxiously at us in the rearview mirror, feeling the whole weight of her future in his hands, determined to give her everything he'd struggled so hard for himself, determined to give her what he never had: the affirming embrace of a father's love.
Oy. I'm all feklempt again. More tomorrow... including celebrity sitings.
* I saw her from the third floor of Democratic National Convention at the Pepsi Center in Denver. But that's like meeting.
The Week's News in Review
Bush flip flops on Putin's soul. It seems like only yesterday that Bush said of President Vladimir Putin: "I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straight forward and trustworthy and we had a very good dialogue... I was able to get a sense of his soul." Now, Bush accuses the Russian president of "bullying and intimidation." It remains unclear whether Putin has changed or Bush has bad soul-dar.
Condoleeza Rice leaks conscience to the press. [or "in rare moment, Condoleeza Rice let's conscience slip."] The Secretary of State said "military power" is "not the way to deal in the 21st century."
In a similar episode, the AP lets the truth slip, referring to Joe Lieberman as "the Democratic vice presidential prick* in 2000..."
William Kristol lies only 1/4 of the time. Since joining The New York Times Op Ed team in January, William Kristol has already forced the paper to issue four corrections. Although Kristol founded the Weekly Standard, he prefers writing for The New York Times, where
he can push the neo-con agenda, bring down Obama, and destroy the credibility of a newspaper he hates, all at the same time.
McCain's cone of silence could be confirmed by Ear, Nose and Throat doctor.
The McCain campaign insists that the presumptive Republican nominee was in a cone of silence during Rick Warren's interview of Obama. Some, however, suggest that, since McCain was traveling in his motorcade, "he may not have been in the cone of silence" and might have had "some ability to overhear" the questions. This leaves the McCain campaign in the unenviable position of holding the world's first nationally televised presidential audiological test in order to prove that the cone of silence was unnecessary because the senator is hard of hearing.
Bored with just stealing American jobs, immigrants turn to taking away our medals.
*You would think that with a last name like hers, the AP reporter, Nedra Pickler, would be more careful.
Originally posted at The Field
I'm such a schmuck: it's Nosh not Nash
A chorbn Oy Vey! I'm such a schmuck. I announced the launch of my nosh for thought "line," like I was some macher or A maidel mit a klaidel. I know, A glick hot dich getrofen!. I misspelled nosh. And I wrote nash. I mean, it's not like I'm a maiven or was raised speaking Yiddish in a schtetle, but I should know a bissel or a biseleh of Yiddish! But I guess I was farschlofn. I guess I have to accept that I'm a bad spell er: A volf farlirt zayne hor, ober nit zayn natur.Who Knew? Hillary is Hilarious!
OK. I promised I wouldn't cry. And this time I didn't. But I was moved by Hillary's speech and I was thrilled when she asked her "supporters" (ie McCain fans in Hillary fans' gear):
I want you to ask yourselves: were you in this campaign just for me? Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him?
This, of course, sums up the basic idea that Hillary "supporters" who are "supporting" for Hillary by ignoring Hillary's plea to support Obama are either fake or idiotic. I will have a good story tomorrow about my run in with PUMA peops. I will also have a great photo of me with a Republican! It's a surprise.
Bill Clinton lip syched I love you. I wonder who he was saying that to...
It's official. Michelle Obama looks great in every single color under the sun. Wow! We've seen her in purple, green/blue, and, tonight, beige! And she pulls every one off. Wow.
Oh, above is the photo of me and my new BFF Mich!
Forgot to mention the big take-away message from Michelle speech last night: I HAVE To marry into the Obama family. Not sure how, but will keep you posted.
Nash For Thought: Does American Apparel Really Need A Dancewear Section?
So the other day I went into American Apparel to look at the clothing hipsters like to laugh at and wear. (I need this ugly awesome unitard!) I noticed that American Apparel had one section of their store labeled "Dancewear." But, does American Apparel Really Need A Dancewear Section? Isn't that Ann Taylor sectioning off an area of its store and labeling it "WASPy-wear? Isn't that like lsectioning off an area off and area and labelling it "food section"? In otherwords, when it comes to American Apparel, there is a fine line and slipper slope between dance wear and non-dance wear. I would argue their entire wardrobe is dance wear. What? I went there. I said it so you don't have to. You're welcome!
If you disagree, answer me this. Is the following item dance wear or non-dance wear?
Introducing: Nash for Thought
Hey loyal readers (mom),
I'm going to start writing some short and sweet things on this here blog. Not everything has to be a thesis or a glossy sweet smelling post. Now, don't worry guys-- I'm not going to be posting stinky products. But I will share with you thoughts and feelings and observations that I wouldn't turn into a multi-paragraph essay and send to HuffPo or Alternet. So you guys are inner-circle. And some people would kill for that.
So i'll be seeing a lot more of you in my Nash for Thought posts
I'll be at DNC in Denver & RNC in St Paul
Hi guys,
I will be blogging and hopefully/ possibly/ maybe/ probably performing in an as of yet undisclosed location on an as of yet undisclosed date. It's for your security, people. I will keep you posted once my secret service men give me the ok.
(seriously, I'll be in those cities blogging away and i'll let you know about shows when I have details)
McCain: 5 Reasons You Should Curb Your Enthusiasm for Curb Your Enthusiasm
When Entertainment Weekly conducted a Woodward and Bernstein-like investigation of "all the presidential candidates'" pop culture favorites, I was shocked-and-awed to learn you are a Curb Your Enthusiasm fan.
Although I disagree with your policies, I must admit I share your taste in television, which, as they say, makes strange bedfellows. So, as a fellow fan, I beg you to "curb your enthusiasm" for the show. Since your endorsement, I've been unable to think of Curb without imagining this frightening image: You are in one of your nine houses in full relaxation mode, you've kicked off your $520 Ferregamo calf skin loafers and you're curled up on the couch with Cindy (whom you just arm wrestled for the remote), snuggling under a polar-bear-fur blanket while a taxidermied bald eagle keeps vigil on the mantle with caribou heads and framed ABBA albums on the walls and you're surrounded by good friends like John Hagee, Rod Parsley and Ralph Reed --your adopted child nowhere in sight (as usual)-- everyone laughing away. I'm scared that this image will haunt me forever and prevent me from enjoying the next season, which I've been looking forward to with much excitement.
I understand that the awkward, white-haired curmudgeon who is always saying the wrong thing as his significantly younger blond wife smiles and suffers is a character with whom you can identify. But I think once you consider the aspects of the show you might have missed, or tried to repress, you'll want to retract your endorsement for the sake of your campaign, your maverick-like integrity, and your country.
1) Larry David is a straight covert operative working for the homosexual agenda. Some of his best friends are gay! When he was in The Producers, he caught some gay cooties from the gay choreographer. In another episode, Larry tried to bring a born-again straight woman "back in the lesbian bosom," making her call off her sanctified marriage. The man is literally a self-avowed "friend o' lesbians."
You're less of an FOL, and more of an EOG (enemy of the gays). You want to keep children safe in orphanages where they can't be adopted recruited by gay parental predators.
2) Larry David hates Bush. His Bush-hatred is stronger than his libido! He is about to score with Cady Huffman when the framed photo of Bush she keeps on her dresser causes Larry to lose his...interest. You may have thought that a Bush photo has an anti-Viagra effect on Larry the character, not Larry the man. But sadly, for you, the real Larry David isn't too much of a fan either. He was employing something called sarcasm (it's a very Jew thing) when he wrote:
I
couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served
in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those
who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the
height of the Vietnam War. I can't tell you how many people thought I
had signed up just to avoid going to Vietnam. Nothing could be further
from the truth...But I also knew that our country was being torn
asunder by opposition to the war...it rankles me that people assume it
was some kind of waltz in the park back then. If only. Once a month,
for an entire weekend--I'm talking eight hours Saturday and Sunday--we
would meet in a dank, cold airplane hangar. Once, they took us into the
woods and dropped us off with nothing but compasses and our wits. One
wrong move and I could've wound up on Queens Boulevard. Fortunately, I
had the presence of mind to find my way out of there and back to the
hangar. Some of my buddies did not fare as well and had to call their
parents to come and get them.
3) Larry David reads and contributes to the communist press. Larry implores his doctor to replace the crappy magazines he keeps in the waiting room with good magazines like The Nation. The real Larry David appears in Nation ads (as one of the many people who doesn't own it--another indication of the communistic mentality he shares with journal). And--I hope you're sitting down--the real Larry David writes for the Huffington Post.
YOU are not a fan of Arianna Huffington, or as you like to call her, "the source." (Oh snap.)
4) Larry David is a Prius-driving anti-creationist. He even said, "Candidates who do not believe in evolution are not my cup of tea."
YOU are a Harley Davidson-sniffing intelligent designer. You love the "sound of freedom" that emanates from Harleys' revving their engines. You know we need to "drill more, drill now." And intelligent design is Kool Aid of choice!
5) Larry David endorses Obama. Larry is not, however, unsympathetic to undecided voters: "Let's see....one was against the war in Iraq from the beginning, and one wants to keep the troops there for another hundred years. I can see your dilemma."
YOU think Obama is a wounded-troops-snubbing, middle-class-taxing, blond-haired-celebrity, possibly socialist, prophet of the Jews.
The good news is you have tons of other shows to choose from. You told Entertainment Weekly that your wife's favorite show is Big Love. Considering your personal (marital) history, this drama about a modern-day polygamist, is a perfect choice.SHOW IN DC TONIGHT!
Finally, the moment you*'ve all been waiting for has arrived... Tonight I'm performing near Washington D.C.! This is the first time I'll be performing in our nation's finest capital. it's part of the the DC Comedy Fest. So it should be festive! Come!
The DC Comedy Presents Laughing Liberally
Featuring Lee Camp (MTV), Baratunde Thurston (The Onion), and MYQ Kaplan (Comedy Central), and lil ole' me!
August 9th @ 7:30pm
@ The Comedy Spot@ 4238 Wilson Blvd - Arlington, VA
*you = Washington D.C. residents
