Barack Obama

Joe Biden is never at a loss for words. Clearly this former stutterer is making up for lost time. So when George Stephanopoulos asked Biden why Obama had chosen Warren--a man who compares homosexuality to incest and pedophelia--to deliver the invocation, Biden got right to the point:

"Well, look, Barack Obama, candidate Obama, Senator Obama, President-elect Obama [JUST SO WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE ON WHICH BARACK OBAMA I'M TALKING ABOUT] has a--a stellar and outspoken record in support of equality for all Americans, including gay and lesbian Americans. But he also has made a judgment--I think correctly--that in order to heal the wounds of this country and move this country forward so we get out of this--this--this mindset overstated of red and blue and the like--that he was going to reach out, he was going to reach out...this is a time to reach out [NOT REACH AROUND.]"

This prudish position is somewhat surprising coming from a man who once waxed romantic about spending time with men in foxholes:

"I've been in these foxholes with these kids, literally in bunkers with them. Let me tell you something, nobody asked anybody else whether they're gay in those foxholes. Our allies--the British, the French, all our major allies--gays openly serve. I don't know the last time an American soldier said to a backup from a Brit, 'Hey, by the way, let me check. Are you gay? Are you straight?' This is ridiculous."

A picture speaks a thousand words. It looks like somebody, i mean some bodies, (Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama) have a bad case of ELS (Executive-Legislative Sexual tension.)

 

 

Baratunde Thurston of Jack n Jill, The Onion, and Laughing Liberally and voter suppression wiki watching results at 23/6 party. He's a little low key, but whatever.  Baratunde Thurston is probably one of the best people to be with when you hear that Obama is our president. Gotta run, so this is just a sample! Better QUALITY version coming soon

I figured out how to help Obama win the election: wearing this hat! What can assuage the fears of Obamaphobes more than a camouflage baseball (American pastime) hat (made in America), embroidered with an Obama for President logo and an American Flag. The hat will subliminally convince people that Obama is America is the military is national security. Honestly, we can keep our Obama For President French Berets, pride rainbow Obama-Biden fedoras, and Obama 08 tie-died hair wraps. But let's where these at home. In public, e should try to put out best hat forward.

My plan is to walk through all the swing states with this hat on. It will be a sort of Forrest Gump with a mission (other than winning an Academy Award and whitewashing U.S. history). And I'll walk, I won't run, because running is terrible for you. Think "Walk, Katie, Walk"/ "Win Obama, Win!"

I think a whole line of Obamoflage could really help the campaign. I'm thinking some hunting vests, riffle satchels, binoculars, jackets, full piece suits

I hope the McCain campaign doesn't catch on and put out a McCain Peace line. Imagine McCain '08 hemp bracelets, McCain for President soy milk, or McSame recycled paper.

FYI, I did not, contrary to popular belief, make this hat or have it made. I find it in a place called America. (83rd and Broadway in Manhattan)

 

I always thought I had a spiritual connection with Mich, but now that I've actually met* Michelle Obama, I know I have it. In all seriousness, she is awesome. Here is what I learned from her speech today, which I saw live!!! in Denver:

Michelle was a really fat baby! I love fat babies. They are the cutest. [photos coming soon. But trust me. Chubby cheeks]

Michelle used to be anti inter-office action. Michelle used to have a firm no office booty policy. But Barack was determined.

The way to Michelle's heart is though her stomach/ ice cream is Michelle's aphrodisiac of choice. In a video before Michelle's speech, Barack revealed his game plan: his "big move" was inviting her for some post office-picnic ice cream.

Michelle looks amazing in every single color. The purple looked great and the green blue she wore tonight looked amazing. Try getting away with those colors, Cindy! You'll look even more corpse-like than usual.

I promised I wouldn't cry! But I did. No political speech has ever made me cry. But this one did. I teared up a few times, but the mascara didn't run until Michelle said:

 

He's the same man who drove me and our new baby daughter home from the hospital 10 years ago this summer, inching along at a snail's pace, peering anxiously at us in the rearview mirror, feeling the whole weight of her future in his hands, determined to give her everything he'd struggled so hard for himself, determined to give her what he never had: the affirming embrace of a father's love.

 

Oy. I'm all feklempt again. More tomorrow... including celebrity sitings.

* I saw her from the third floor of Democratic National Convention at the Pepsi Center in Denver. But that's like meeting.

1. Karl Rove wants to bone Michelle Obama

He recently described Barack as "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by." Looks like someone wants Michelle to be his baby mama. It's OK Karl. This is where the healing starts.

2. If the caribou could speak, they would say "Build Us a Pipeline!"
Although the liberal media wants you to believe otherwise, the real champions for animal rights are the Republicans, not the Democrats. Look at pipeline-hugger Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., and her animal-centric advocacy for oil drilling in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Reserve: "Some suggestions are that perhaps we would see an enhancement of wildlife expansion because of the warmth of the pipeline..." Bachman argues that the drilling is already providing the social and caffeine dependent caribou with a meeting place, or, as she explains,"coffee klatch."

3. If we talk about torture, we let the CSPAN-watching terrorists win
Vice President Dick Cheney's top adviser David Addington rightly refuses to answer Congress's questions on his involvement in torture memos. He explains to pushy terrorist-enabler Bill Delahunt (D-MA) "you kind of communicate with al Qaeda. If you do--I can't talk to you, al Qaeda may watch CSPAN." Anyone who knows anything about islamofascism and/or cable service knows that Al quada hearts CSPAN, which is one of the few channels you can actually get in Afghani caves.

4. McCain chief strategist praying for terrorist attack on the U.S.
McCain strategist Charlie Black says of another terrorist attack on U.S., "certainly it would be a big advantage to him." Let's keep our fingers crossed!

5. Scratch that, McCain chief strategist was suffering from a good old fashioned case of delirium-inducing blueballs.
Turns out Black is "a good guy." He was just thinking with his other head, and was distracted by the "tremendous reporter cleavage," according to former McCain strategist Mike Murphy.

Republicans are shocked and appalled that a racist pin which reads "If Obama is President...Will we still call it the White House?" was sold at the Texas Republican Party convention. To show their commitment to combating racism, the GOP is donating the money raised by the vendor to help flood victims in the Midwest. They also stipulated that under no circumstances could any of the money go to Katrina victims who are still without homes, neighbors, trailers or security. The difference, of course, as Rush Limbaugh explains, is that the people of Iowa and Illinois are "the heartland...and the backbone of America," while people of the gulf coast, are the infected appendix of the U.S., and "a bunch of people running around waving guns at helicopters...shooting cops....raping people on the street...whining and moaning--where's FEMA, where's BUSH."

The Obama pound, exchanged between Michelle and Barack on Tuesday night, marked a historic moment. Yeah, there's that whole first black nominee for president thing. But more significant, is the fact that the greeting which has been described by confused white journalists as a "fist bump," "closed-fist high-five," "a frat-tastic fist bump" and a "'Hezbollah' style fist-jabbing" is finally being introduced to mainstream culture. The introduction of "The Pound" into our national vocabulary will have ripple effects. It already has. People previously unfamiliar "the pound" are seeing the world in a whole new way. For instance, they should now realize that when the New York Times' Ashley Parker wrote about Reggie Love "offering closed-fist high-fives to members of the news media…." she was not describing a painful caveman greeting, but said pound. (I think the Times owes Reggie a correction.) I can't find an official history or definition of the pound, but here is what I found on Ubrandictionary.com

1. pound: a greeting between two mutual friends. In reality, a fist from one person is "pounded" against the fist of the other person, accompanied by both persons saying "pound."
2. Pound: The knocking of fists as a form of greeting, departure, or respect see daps
3. Dap: The knocking of fists together as a greeting, or form of respect. He gave me a dap when we greeted.
4. dap: a fist-on-fist greeting, front-to-front as if each person is punching each other on the hand. He gave me a dap when we greeted
5. dap: The Dap includes simple to very intricate series of rhythmic hand slaps, clasps, hand and arm gestures exchanged between two persons as a sign of personal greeting, respect and group solidarity. Has origin in greetings developed and practiced by members of Black Power organizations founded in southern California in the early 1970s and then became common place and outlawed practice among African-American draftees and soldiers stateside and abroad during the latter years of the Vietnam War. Was soon adopted by huge duck bill cap, suspender and knicker attired African-American street and club dancers who originated the dance known as "Lockstepping." Best known Lock Stepper is Fred Barry aka Rerun from the hit 1970s black TV sitcom, "What's Happenin'?" simplest of Daps is to tap closed fists together one time horizontally or vertically.

Emergency update! The Right Wing pundit who creatively described the pound between Michelle and Barack as "'Hezbollah' style fist-jabbing" must have read my post. His blog post no longer contains the following sentence:

"Michelle is not as "refined" as Obama at hiding her TRUE feelings about America—etc. Her "Hezbollah" style fist-jabbing—mouth-twisted anti-American speeches is STRAIGHT from ISLAM!"

Thank you for admitting you were wrong. I interpret your delete as an apology and I accept it.